I was a pop culture hack!
by fallenenjimon
Summary: Pure and random! If you like random, you'll like this! (R for later on)
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own digimon, I don't even own the freakin' "PLOT". I just patched it togather, if you can guess where I got the "plot" you get a cookie.  
Author notes: I made the Digimon very OOC, Guilmon acts like "the leader", Renamon acts like "the Master" and terriermon acts like "meatwad", OH CRAP I just gave away where it come from!  
  
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"gentlemen!" Yamaki Mitsuo said to ADR-01 in the large empty lab on top of "madness mountan", "get aload of this!".  
  
A large metal door open and a wherl pool in time and space sucked ADR-01 in.  
  
"This thing!" Yamaki finished..... Before his hair caught fire. "AH! MY HAIR WARMER!".  
  
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"What the hell happen to my lawn?!" Seika shouted as she peered out her window, outside where her lush green lawn was there was a crude, very burnt patch of blackness with a fire here and there.  
"Terriermon" Guilmon said to Terriermon who was holding a empty book of matches, "you don't use matches to mow lawns".  
  
"Sorry Guilmon, but Renamon told me that's how it's done." Guilmon rolled his eyes, he should have figured. Heading into Renamon's room, she wasn't there. And after Guilmon and Terrriermon stopped spazzing from the bizarre colour posters and wild bedsheet patters they headed for the only other place she would be.  
  
"Why are you in my pool again you freak?" Seika said, standing in the doorway staring at the lodging shadow spirit-type digimon floating in a large above ground pool with "hotrod flames" on the sides of the pool. "Isn't it bad enough you slept with my daughter and got her summer home in the devorce".  
The fox lifted her head to add "and I got her -our- daughter out of it", Seika sighed and was about to leave when Renamon's two roommates, the one that did things and the other that did stuff, or Guilmon and Terriermon, walked through the hole in the fence.  
  
"There you are" Guilmon said, "Did you tell Terriermon that he can use mathes to mow Hata-sama's front lawn?", Terriermon quip in "she promised me five yen."  
  
Hata Seika glared at Renamon, who was sipping from a martini that wasn't there before. Guilmon let out a defeated sigh, "if there's a god I'll get a break from this maddness".  
  
Well, aparantly there is a god because a wherlpool in time and space decided to appear over head and suck in Hata Seika and Matsuda Guil and in turn spit out a bottle that crashed on renamon's head!  
  
"Hang on Renamon, I'll save you!" Terriermon said as he went and got a rope, but by then renamon was standing up with long, long, looong blond hair, "Holy crap! I got hair!" Renamon shouted. "Well, yeah." Terriermon noted, "you've always had hair" "no, that was fur".  
Terriermon looked up at the wherlpool as it closed, "what will we do?".  
  
Renamon, still fluffing her new hair, just said "here's what we'll do" Terriermon lean in close to listin, "I'll go downtown, head into edwardo's and get this volumed, you on other hand Terriermon will go sit on a grill" with that Renamon walked off.  
  
Later on.  
  
Renamon, sans new hair, was sitting in her leather chair watching tv mumbling about "Edwardo's stupid hair removle", Terrriermon came in.  
  
"I'm hugery" Terriermon said, without looking Renamon spoke "there's a noodle over there" she pointed to the tv's power cable.  
  
"That's not a noodle" Terriermon quip, "you know" Renamon got off the chair, "you're right, hang on."  
  
Renamon went into the kitchen and came back with a plate, when she was done the power cable was on the plant. "Look, I not that stupid" Terriermon said, "that's the tv cord, if I eat it i'll get a shock. So where's the real noodle?" "okay, okay. You caught me, it's in the dryer drying off."  
  
"Thought so" Terriermon said as he went off to get the "noodle", Ruki then came in with her overnight bag. "What happen to you?" Renamon asked her step-daughter with real concern, REAL CONCERN PEOPLE!  
  
Ruki staggered towards the couch and began the whole story, when Ruki got to her birth mom's house Rumiko was hidding behind the curtent swearing the yellow school bus across the bus was really "The bus of the undead!" and kept her up for an entire week because of it.  
Renamon sighed, "she's back on 'that' again?" Ruki nodded.  
  
You see, during the three years Oshia Renamon was merried to Rumiko she (Rumiko) was babbling that the bus in the front lawn was really "The bus of the undead."  
  
"Okay, I'll bring this up to the judge next week" Renamon said as she sat in the chair, "why are you seeing a judge next week?" Ruki asked while she laid down.  
  
"The insident at burger king, it involved the over salted fries."  
  
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Four weeks later.  
  
The wherl pool in time and space opened up and spat out both Guilmon and Saika, Guilmon got up and brushed himself off.  
  
"That's the last time I visit the caniblia demention" Guilmon said. "Yeah, but the food was good though" Saika said before she headed back into her house, Guilmon went into his own home.  
  
"Hey Renamon" Guilmon said as he walked into the living room, "uh, where's Terriermon?" "In the dryer". Guilmon sighed as he went to let the dog digimon out.  
  
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Ad Break  
  
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Mr. Deetz: (*Is sitting at the kitchen table eatting oeros while babysitting his granddaughter, Alice) Heh, oeres.  
  
All off a sudden a migget pirate runs by and goes under the sink, an alien pops out of the frige and followed the pirate.  
Mr. Deetz/Alice: Huh?  
  
Anouncer: How many times has this happen to you?  
  
The Guy off stage: Bring, Bring.  
  
Mr. Deetz: (*Utterly confused*) What the?  
  
Snookie the cat: (*Picks up the phone*) Hello?  
  
Mr. Deetz: (* Trys to cover oeros.*)  
  
Boss: You're late, why are you late?  
  
Snookie the cat: I.. Uh.. (*Hangs up phone*), ARG! I wish there was a way to create excuses that won't get me into trouble.  
  
Anouncer: Sorry Homo, We here at spicka build..... No, wait, we do build thouse things.  
  
Magically a device appeared in a "ping".  
  
Snookie the cat: Wow, the "Spicka excuse machine 3000"!  
  
Guy off stage: Bring-Bring.  
  
Boss: (*Not letting snookie pick up the phone*) why aren't you at work?  
Snookie the cat: (*Hits the button the the "spicka excuse machine 3000"*.)  
  
Spicka Excuse Machine 3000: I have cancer.  
Boss: (*Stunned*) Sorry to hear that, take as much time as you need.  
  
Snookie the cat: Thanks spicka!  
  
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Terriermon came out of the dryer very dizy, "whao, I want my noodle".  
Guilmon was silent as Terriermon walked into the living room, Renamon was watching tv and Ruki was at her mothers. "I'm hungery" Terriermon said, "there's a popicle in the pool, jump take this radio with you" Renamon lifted up a electeric radio. Guilmon shook his head, Terriermon felt a weird feeling and Renamon felt alot of pain. Renamon was on the celing as Terriermon kept shotting out a bolt of lightning. "Aw, hell" Guilmon said, "Static cling".  
  
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Ad break.  
  
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Edward: (*Is tring on clothes while Vicious is holding a stack of clothes*) Visie, do you think makes me look too skinny? (*comes out in a one peice swimsuit with fluffy "cuffs" around the arms, legs, neck holes.*)  
  
Vicious: Nope. (*See cameraguy*) Hey! You perv! Edward, that guy was tring to take a peek! (*pulls out sword.*)  
  
Edward: What! Blood!  
  
Freeze frame. the two are about to kill the cameraguy.  
  
Anouncer: How many times has this happen to you? You just wanted to peek on cute girls but there boyfriends always caught you? Well you're a perv! We here at Spicka Inc. We make products for our todays villians!  
  
Digimon Kaizer (Who is Tokato): Why am I here? I'm not the "Kaizer" type!  
Guy off stage: Because Ken's busy!  
  
J-reaper:(*Off stage*) I love you for this!  
  
Digimon Kaizer: (*Flustered*) Well.. Uh... FORGET JUSTICE! I want to be evil! (*Pulls of Ken's Kaizer uniform to revile one like Ken's only red where it was blue, and gold where black.*) Show me your crap so I, We, can take over the world!  
  
J-reaper: (*Stars in eyes*) I love you. Digimon Kaizer.  
  
Tokato: Uh, Digimon Kaizer is a bit too dull, how about the Digimon Messiah! (*Picks up J-reaper and they both leave the Stage, Tomoe Souichi and Kaorinite wonder in.*)  
  
Tomoe: Uh, Spicka!  
  
Support the Soul Busters.  
  
Tomoe: I never agreed to that!  
  
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Do to some problems in recording we just came in near the end where Guilmon, Renamon and Terriermon lounge around the living room. "That was exciting!" Guilmon said while flipping though the channel. He stopped on a new report, "What is he doing now?"  
  
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News break.  
  
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Ann: This is Ann Gora, Kat's eye news. There's a psycho terrorizing downtown MegaKat city in a giant mech suit. (*In the background the devil gundam is swaying back and forth drunkly*) It's just another day here. Oh! One last thing, Callie baby, I'll be late (*Ann winks*) so don't start without me.  
  
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Callico Briggs Blushed deeply as the Swat Kats, Darkat, Dr. Viper, Abby, Felina and Steel stared at her.  
  
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End! 


	2. To my dear elizabeth, the characters in ...

Author's Note: This fic is inspeared and dedicated to Ramza Lionheart and his story "Dracula: The Aria of Sorrow", after reading his then heading over to the Digimon section I put a connection between the Vamdemon and Castlevania and I figured what the hell.  
  
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Dear Loyal followers.  
  
It is with deep regret that I, Lord Myotis Vamdemon D'Luo, must push back my promise, yet AGAIN, as I'm sence my death coming again.  
  
I'll never understand how the former king of vampires, Count Dracula, can stand doing this every century! Anyhoo, I'm wasting time. In the begining (and tell Succumon to stop moaning... On second thought) I was out to rule the world, but now all I want is to go outside these stinking castle walls without getting staked. There's a whole world I've yet experince, maybe I might start a family.  
  
Since that'll will never happen, I will leave behind some advice to anyone that proceeds after me (why I'll never know). As Oricaldevimon tells me the world will be changed by a greater force then I, well, MORE POWER TO YA'! WIPE OUT THESE IDIOTIC BELMONTS! HAHAHA!  
  
Ahem, on a more serious note, he says there will be four heros that will stand up to the force and three of them are boys. Perfect!  
  
After reviewing the relic texts and a few experinces I found this advice to very helpful to you. You must find a hot leader! These guys are entering thouse "akward" years, I'm so evil.  
  
Oh, one last thing.  
  
Phatomon, stay out of my "stuff". Honestly, I don't think you can handly "extrem prison rioter 4".  
  
Myotis Vamdemon D'Luo.  
  
Vamdemon read over the note he just inked up, not bad but not good. He should give better advice then have the horny teens gawk at some barbie doll hept up on the evil juice, he sets aside the draft and prepares a better one.  
In the middle of writing the new letter the stain glass letter shattered everywhere and the child of Jun motomiya and Flamedramon (!), whos name is Soma Motomiya, stood in the center of the room pose to kill the vampire king.  
Soma: Die monster, you don't belong in this world!  
  
Vamdemon: (*Rubbing his temples.*) Why I let let myself talked into owning this stupid place? (*Stake self.*)  
  
Soma: HA! HA! HA! Er? what this? A letter to his minions, I think not.  
  
Soma shredded the draft and the letter and headed for the exit, which was unfortunte because for the past few years the Belmont bloodline has been "horizonly challaged", this is why Soma banged his head on the exit. Pity.  
  
Soma: Whao, who am I? Oh, I'm Soku Matsuda! Ha!  
  
_________________________Later______________________  
  
Mummymon and Phantomon wonder into the room, they knowdist Vamdemon's dead body.  
  
Mummymon: Well, I owe you 40,000 yen, two hours, new record.  
  
Phantomon: Well, let's check out the stash! Hey, there's a note!  
  
Mummymon: There was a note, (*picks up tore paper*) maybe I can put this togather.  
  
Phantomon: Huh? (*pops extrem prison rioter 6 into DVD player*) I wasn't listening.  
  
___________________________________ Years later___________________  
  
Takato looked around the inside of the red blob, he and Guilmon had fallen in the pile of slim during the battle above. ADR-01 appears in Juri form.  
  
Takato: JURI! How did you escape the cornel sphere?  
  
Guilmon: Yeah, that's a opopanax in and of itself.  
ADR-01 and Takato stared at him while sweatdropping aswell.  
  
Guilmon: It means fearful mystery. (*Rubs a hand on the back of his head.*)  
  
ADR-01 rises a piece of old paper with puppet covered hand, Takako and Guilmon rised a brow at it.  
  
ADR-01: This relic was found during the purge, I was ordered to give to you humans..  
Takako: (*Interuptes*) Is that scotch tape? And that word is cut in half, isn't it?  
  
ADR-01: SHUT UP! (*Changes to her trueself.*)  
  
Guilmon was saying something but Takako was to stunned, ADR-01 walks towards Takato.  
  
Takako:..... Do we really need the real Juri? I mean, she's a good replacement after we rewrite her program.  
  
Juri: TAKAKO! HOW COULD YOU!  
  
ADR-01: (*Stunned*) Rewrite.. My.... What?  
  
Takako: Program, didn't you humans can do that?  
ADR-01: (*Angery with shacking fist at ADR-00*) YOU TOLD ME THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE! (*Changes back to Juri form and hops into Takato's arms*) Let's go!  
  
With that Takato and ADR-01 ran out of the D-Reaper, Guilmon shrugged and followed and Juri was to stunned for words, insted she emerged with the D-Reaper to wreck monsterous damage. That was untill she slip on a marble left by Suichon, Culumon flow out just as the D-Reaper splatter everywhere.  
  
Juri: Help, I've fallen and I can't get up!  
  
________________________________Ad Break!________________________  
  
The Ani-mates were sitting on the couch watching tv, Galaxia was outside enjoying a smoke as she can be seenn through the window.  
  
Anyouncer: How 'bout some pop corn to go with the movie?  
  
Iron mouse: (*Cracks open a beer*) Go to hell.  
  
Lead crow: (*Looking around for the voice*) Who said that?  
Anyouncer: That's the spirit!  
  
With a magic "PONG" a pop corn popper appeared on the counter, no one moved to get it. Out side Galaxia is having trouble with flying jellyfish, she finished them off quickly but some zombies came after her.  
  
Anyouncer: Now you too can have fresh pop corn, just plug in the Spicka proper popper and add the....  
  
No one is getting up, Iron mouse sips her beer. Galaxia is taking on the huge ant empire alone with two rifles a blazing!  
  
Anyouncer:.... GET UP AND USE THE DAMN POPPER!  
  
Lead crow: Evil! Evil! (*Points at popper*) It's EVIL!  
Lead crow Grabs the popper and toss it outside where it landed on the ice king, who in turn, landed on the Joker.  
  
Anyouncer: That's it!! I'm going to kill you all! (*Trys to open the door but find it locked, Iron mouse holds up some keys. Starts to cry*) I don't want to go on any more, good bye! (*Hangs self*)  
  
Tin Nyanko: Bye.  
  
_______________________________News Break____________________________  
  
Title: monday morning with Abby Simion.  
  
Abby is sitting before a short round table, across from her is a welsh corgi.  
  
Ein: Remember, take your pills! (*Sees the camera's on*) Crap! (*Runs off stage.*)  
  
Abby: Hello, I'm god. (*holds up sign worship me*).  
  
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
Do to technical proplems, this show can not be aired. Ever.  
  
We're sorry here at Kats 7, but Abby Semion is insane (and Dr. Viper is a good dancer). We don't know why we hired her (Dr. Viper is hansom), she might have been cheap (Dr. Viper's good lay!).  
  
Truely sorry. (Dr. Viper is typing this up. Viper. Viper. Viper. Viper. Viper. Viper. Viper.)  
  
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This was suppost to be a stand alone, but I figure turn it into Chapter 2 because of the ending. In the orginal idea there were no Ad breaks, all well.  
We love you Ramza! 


	3. Pardon me, scream if you know what I did...

"There are certian rules to follow to survive" Natsuko said with his hands up, the chosen's Digimon were at her house for some reason.  
  
"One. I get all the booze. Two. I recive all liquar. Three. I get drunk and Four. I get laid, you guys got that?" The Digimon looked at each other, then at Natsuko and back to each other. "Munchies?" Wormon asked while tring to keep the odd looking cigarette in his mouth. Natsuko sighed, grabbed Flamedramon and dragged him to the bedrooom.  
"Are we going to screw?" Flamedramon asked with stars in his eyes, Natsuko nodded.  
  
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I was a pop culture hack! Chapter three: Pardon me, but scream if you know what I did on elm street last friday the 13th.  
  
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In the small town of Springwoody, a bus/van/thingy pulled up to horror cliche' #563 (haunted holtel).  
  
The first and second group of Chosen kids got out, Hikari streched and looked around the barren lot. Ken was with Daisuke.... Doing things that would get anyone killed in a horror movie in the back of the bus. Taichi was doing the same with Yamato inside the tool shed (how did they find and get in there?). "Internet! Internet! I NEED INTERNET!" Koushiro shouted as he ran around frantically about the bus, running over Sora repeatally, and did it once on perpose for fun. Sora was flat as a pancake. Mimi was tring to hang herself (reasons why in a moment). Jyou was following Koushiro around, why we don't care. Takeru was tring to call home (whos mother was curently getting banged by flamedramon), and offen bothering Iori for quaters. Iori's here for balance. Miyako was inching away from Satoe (Mimi's mom, the reason she's failing suciced attempts) who kept flirting with her. Hikari opens her mouth to say the most inteligent thing ever spoken in a horror film.  
  
"What a fuck-hole, let's get out of here!" Hikari was about to move but Satoe slipped her arms around Hikari's slender waist and said somethings in her ear, "let's stay!" Hikari and Satoe ran inside.  
  
"Oh god, MOTHER!" Norman Ba- I mean Mimi shouted, Miyako sighed and followed. Not without stompping on Sora's body a few times anyway.  
  
____________________Ad Break________________  
  
Anouncer: Do you feel ungodly presser?  
  
The sence is of Dan Barrow (based on the Muses designs) getting out runned by jenifer, for an unknown reason Lota appears.  
Lota: I always said you can't keep "it up".  
  
Dan: My manhood!  
  
Lota: That's petty theif.  
  
Jenifer:..... No coment.  
  
Anouncer: Now you can relive that stress by taking it out on Death Buster inc. new "Mamoru Punch Doll".  
  
With a *pruck* a large box with mamoru inside appeared.  
  
Mamoru: Help! I can't breath!  
  
Jenifer: How would you know what size it is?  
  
Lota: Geez, I saw it before.  
  
Jenifer: DAN YOU TWO TIMER! (*Runs after Dan*)  
  
Lota: Urge to kill rising. (*Sees "Mamoru Punch Doll", pulls him out of the box.*) Grrr, that slut! Bitch! Man Stealer.  
Mamoru: (*Gets beat up*) Oof, ow, help! I'm not a real doll! They didn't have one for the comercal! (*Arm gets tore off.*) MOMMY!  
  
Anoucer: (*Rapping*) Death Bustaas!  
  
Lota: Don't do that.  
  
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Okay, so far. Koushiro manage to stick his tung into a phone jack, he is online. Jyou is just her. Daisuke, Ken, Taichi and Yamato left for moltel rooms. Hikari had Satoe and Mimi. Takeru is nice and drunk. Natsuko was knocked up. Flamedramon is a daddy and Iori was sitting on a hill top with Blackwargreymon.  
  
"That was... Short" Iori said, "yep" Blackwargreymon took a sip of tea. "Where did you get that?" "Plothole."  
  
"Too bad this is the last chapter, on the other hand" Iori said, above them all a metor was falling towards the earth.  
  
The strange thing was it was shaped like steve urkle's head. 


End file.
